Some days are simply more than other others- more, bigger, brighter, in sharper contrast, and with greater potential. Typically it takes all kinds of ingredients to make a good or a bad day, but some days are simply spectacular. On a day such as this, even the worst, most nagging- nay, LOOMING fears get kicked aside, reviewed, replaced, set under a rock, returned to sender, expressed properly.
One of the major hurdles I have come to confront this past year is fear. I have written poetry about it for this class already, and likely I will again. I wonder at times if I am developing a fixation with the concept…and then along comes another complex moment of terror or doubt to convince me of how real fear can be. But paradoxically, most of the time fear is not real- or a poor representation of reality at best.
Fear tried to get me yesterday and I felt like I needed to hide from the world. But today, I’m ready for dance.
I’m preparing to release a video and statement tomorrow for a local charity close to my heart. My brother Ryan and I spent many hours working on this project and I should be happy, yet I am nervous. I’m worried about the piece I am writing to accompany the video, and -if I’m honest with myself about it- I’m worried about how the public will respond to the gesture, with kindness and enthusiasm or indifference. I will be posting the link to the release tomorrow on this blog as well. The project is one that I began as part of an internship from my CRTW422 Community Outreach and Public Art class last semester. When I find myself in a moment of doubt about what I am doing and where I may be heading, I take comfort in the convergence of my activities over the past year or so.
I have written about convergence also, the sense that more than one piece of my puzzle is finally working in tandem with others- the writing, songwriting, poetry, comedy, philosophy, and creative project work I do with and for others are finally beginning to gain traction. Naturally, this is terrifying, as success is completely unknown to me.
Chin up, carry on. Anything is possible and what will be, will be. Row, row, row, then surrender to the flow.
My Postmodern Swell by L. Hyland 